If you remember when doors were held open and “please” and “thank you” were commonplace, you may wonder what ever happened to manners. In our fast-paced world, some social graces have faded into obscurity. Here are 21 old-fashioned manners society has abandoned but we would benefit from them coming back.
Don’t Talk with Your Mouth Full
Whether at the dinner table or eating on the go, some people have forgotten the art of closing their mouths while eating. Nobody wants to see the chewed-up food in their mouth, nor do they want bits of food spraying out at them. It is beneficial to multitask in a fast-paced world, but talking while eating should not be one of those times.
Put the Phone Away
With over 47% of Americans admitting to being addicted to their cell phone, they are commonplace at the dinner table, which can be rude and distracting, especially if you have guests over. The dinner table is a time to wind down after a long day and enjoy conversation with friends and family, not to catch up on social media. People didn’t trail their landlines to the dinner table, and we had to follow suit by leaving our cell phones in a different room.
Hats Off Indoors
In the past, people wore hats for various reasons – to keep warm, protect themselves from the sun, or even shield their hair from dust during travel. Removing your hat indoors prevents dirt or debris from falling onto furniture or food. In some cases, keeping your hat indoors could be seen as a sign of secrecy or unwillingness to be fully present in the social setting, so we should look to the past and always take hats off indoors.
Excuse Yourself
Excusing yourself acknowledges that you’re interrupting someone or something. It shows that you’re aware of social norms and don’t take the other person’s time or attention for granted. If people returned to using these manners, it would mean less disruption in meetings and personal get-togethers.
Let People Exit Before You Enter
Letting people exit first demonstrates basic courtesy and consideration for others. It shows you’re aware of your surroundings and prioritize the needs of those already in the space. When we constantly rush around, we do not realize the impact we could have on others, especially those with mobility concerns.
Silence Your Devices
While devices were not a thing of the past, people took the time to put down their books or newspapers when talking to someone, or they turned off their TVs when they had guests. Unless you’re expecting a critical call, turn off ringtones in public spaces like libraries or theaters and when you have people around to avoid being rude.
Quiet Your Voice on Public Transportation
Public transportation involves sharing a relatively confined space with many people. Loud talking can easily disrupt the peace that others might seek during their commute. It is common to hear people playing music without headphones or having loud conversations with their friends on the commute. What happened to respect one another’s boundaries?
Maintain Eye Contact
Making eye contact creates a sense of connection and fosters trust. It’s normal to look away briefly to blink or glance down to gather your thoughts, but sometimes it feels like we have forgotten our manners and will look at our phones or TVs when people are trying to engage with us.
Actively Listen
Actively listening demonstrates that you value the speaker and their thoughts and opinions. It shows you’re genuinely interested in what they say rather than being absorbed in our world, as many busy people are these days.
Avoid Interrupting
Letting someone finish their thought demonstrates respect for their opinion and their right to be heard. It shows you value their contribution to the conversation. When you don’t interrupt, you can genuinely listen to what the other person is saying. This allows you to understand their perspective and respond thoughtfully.
The Power of “Please” and “Thank You”
In a world that can sometimes feel hurried and impersonal, the power of “please” and “thank you” should remain everlasting. Studies show that children raised to say “please” and “thank you” grow up to be happier people, and the world could use more nice people.
Offer a Proper Introduction
Taking a moment to introduce people demonstrates respect for both individuals and acknowledges their presence. Once seen as the height of manners, formal introductions can eliminate confusion and awkwardness, especially in larger gatherings where people might not know each other. Bringing this introduction style back can help people who are uncomfortable in new situations feel at ease.
The Art of the Thank-You Note
A handwritten note shows genuine appreciation, especially after receiving a gift or favor. People wouldn’t think twice about sending a thank you letter in the past, but we are now lucky to have even received a verbal thank you. A growing sense of entitlement can lead people to believe they deserve good service, downplaying the need for gratitude.
Proofread Before You Send
Typos and grammatical errors can leave a wrong impression in emails and messages, and people have always been careful not to send incorrect communications. Somehow, people have become lazy and assume that others will understand what they are trying to say, which is not good. People need to know that people are invested in them; careless messaging isn’t how to show that.
Say Hello to Strangers
Once upon a time, we would chat with strangers as we lined up at the grocery store or nod at somebody to say hello as we walked past them on the sidewalk. These days, people are in their bubbles and are cautious about talking to people they don’t know. However, a friendly greeting can be a simple way to create a sense of connection with those around you, and you may make someone’s day.
Respect Personal Space
In our increasingly crowded world, respecting personal space is an essential part of good manners, but it doesn’t already mean people do so. Personal space communicates boundaries without words and acknowledges another person’s comfort zone. Research has shown that when we respect others’ personal space, we are more attentive to their needs as we can read their nonverbal cues.
Be Punctual
Punctuality was always the cornerstone of good manners, but now, you are expected to receive a last-minute text to say that the person you are meeting is running late. To pack more into our days, we might schedule appointments too close together, increasing the risk of running late due to unforeseen delays. Perhaps we need to rethink our diary and allow ourselves not to overcommit so that we can truly be present with the people we meet.
The Art of the Apology
A sincere apology acknowledges the hurt caused and opens the door to forgiveness and reconciliation. It allows relationships to mend and move forward rather than allow anger to fester. Many people seem reluctant to say sorry, especially when mutual blame exists. Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich’s Valeria Burdea found that when people are caught up in an argument, they are scared of saying sorry first as they think they will not get an apology in return, indicating that they have accepted blame for the whole incident.
Take Your Shoes Off
Shoes track in dirt, dust, and debris from outside. Removing them helps keep a home’s floors clean and reduces the need for constant cleaning. In some cultures, shoes symbolize the outside world, and removing them signifies entering a space of rest, relaxation, or prayer. Whether for comfort, cleanliness, or respect for cultural norms, returning to taking shoes off when you enter someone’s home sounds like a great idea.
Not Expecting a Kiss on a First Date
In the past, not expecting a kiss on a first date was considered good manners, especially for women. While times have changed and women are experiencing a level of gender equality, it should never be assumed that all people want to keep up with modern times and kiss on a first date. Mutual consent and clear communication are paramount in any form of modern-day dating.
Not Swearing In Front of Parents
Parents are traditionally seen as authority figures, and using respectful language can be a way of acknowledging their role in your upbringing. Once, it would have been unthinkable for children to swear in front of their parents, even as adults. Many children swear to get rid of anger; others feel they need to do it to fit in with their peers. Whatever the reason, many people would love to hear less cursing and more complimenting.
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